I've been keeping journals since I was in the 3rd grade and I'm so glad to share some of my most intimate life moments with you here! Here, you'll find inspirational and encouraging stories of me and other broken people like me. We are all jars of clay who have been afflicted in every way, but not crushed...struck down by not destroyed. Here, you do NOT have the right to remain silent, so as you read, grab your favorite snack and drink and leave a comment...share YOUR story. I can't wait to connect with you in this beautiful safe space.
By now, I’m sure you’ve heard the news, but we’re having a baby!!! Keeping this secret since June was so hard, but we’re both happy to finally be able to shout it from the mountaintop!
This baby came as such a surprise to us! See right before we found out we were pregnant with this little blessing, we had a miscarriage. We found out we were pregnant and found out we had lost the baby at 6 weeks…right before Mother’s Day, which was really hard to deal with. As a woman, I spent a lot of time blaming myself, wondering if there was something that I could have done differently and just overall feeling down. Even though the doctors tried to comfort us and say there was nothing we could have done…I still couldn’t help but feel guilty. That somehow, I was responsible for our happiness and excitement being snatched away. Luckily, we were on our way to visit with friends and family in Virginia and California when we got the news, so it was the perfect time to focus on good things and beating myself up.
When we came back from our vacation a few weeks later, we finally had made our peace with everything and was moving on. We knew that God had a plan and even though we understand it, we trust in Him enough to know that everything was going to work out for our good. It was early in the morning when I felt this super random urge to take a pregnancy test (we may not have been trying, but we weren’t necessarily preventing pregnancy either, so by this point, pregnancy tests were a staple on my grocery list and my bathroom quickly became a Target pharmacy aisle). Ethan and Teddy were both fast asleep, so I thought to myself “whatever happens, happens.” I took the test and sat it down. Let me tell you….LONGEST. THREE. MINUTES. OF. MY. LIFE.
I read the result. “PREGNANT.” I literally had to make sure the sleep was out of my eyes and I was seeing clearly. Just to be sure, I took 4 more tests…two tests with the lines, two digitals. I then called the hospital to immediately schedule a blood test. What can I say? I wanted to be thorough. 🙂
By the time I woke up Ethan up and told him what was going on and how the hospital told me to come in for my test, he was magically dressed and ready to go. I think it is safe to say we were both anxious and excited. Could this really be happening again? So soon?
A few hours later, it was confirmed…we were indeed pregnant and apparently, had been pregnant for a while. I can’t remember if we screamed first, hugged or started doing our happy dance, but all I know is in that moment, we were on cloud 9 and was feeling overjoyed. We looked at each other literally screamed, “WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!”
Later that day, we were running around completing errands and I remember sitting in the parking lot by myself at Wal-Mart praying to God saying “God, please let this child live a purposeful life. Keep him or her safe and help them to grow big and strong.” Soon as I said Amen, I opened my eyes and then…I saw two rainbows in the sky and I was immediately overwhelmed with peace. In the Bible, God sent a rainbow after the flood to serve as a reminder of the eternal covenant between God and everything living on the Earth. Of course when we found out, I immediately began to worry. I don’t think I could bare another miscarriage. But seeing that rainbow…I just knew everything was going to be alright. It was as if God was saying to me “Sachel…relax. I got this.”
Now, I am almost 16 weeks and am due at the beginning of February! I’m even beginning to sport a little baby bump! We’ve seen our little miracle dancing around at our appointments, heard their heartbeat and he or she even POSED for the camera! It has been such a magical experience so far! Luckily, I haven’t experienced any nausea or morning sickness, but I have been REALLY hungry lately, which may not surprise any of my friends and family who know me and already know I love to eat!
I have to admit, I know you’re never ready to be a mom, but some days I’m like “God am I even remotely ready for this?!” But you know what? It doesn’t matter if I feel ready, the truth is God knows I am and His plan is rock solid. We know this baby is a true testament to the saying “He may not come when you want Him, but He’ll be there right on time.” I’m not sure why God took us through a miscarriage. Maybe it was to draw us closer to Him. Maybe it was so we could talk about it and somehow touch another couple who may be blaming themselves (if you are, stop. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT). Maybe it was to show us just how faithful He is. Whatever the reason, we are thankful for it and it makes this pregnancy even more special.
We are praying for a healthy and happy baby and I honestly can’t WAIT to meet them! We can’t wait to find out if it was a boy or a girl! The past few months have been an emotional journey for sure, but we are both so excited about this new chapter! We can’t wait to share it with you all! 🙂
Cheers to you Baby Harris! You are mommy and daddy’s real MVP!