I opened my journal to a fresh new page. I wrote the date as I’ve done with so many entries before. Through my tears and sighs of frustration, I grabbed my pen and wrote probably the most honest sentence I’d ever written:

“God, I Love you, but I’m so angry with you.”

For years, I’d prayed that God would save me and my marriage. I channeled my inner Miss Clara and had prayers tacked to the wall in my closets from the ceiling to the floor. I studied His word. I served others. I prayed with others about their marriages, as I pleaded with Him about mine…”God if You save my marriage, I promise I will do whatever You ask for me. But please…do NOT let my marriage die!” But He did. And when He did, something in me died. My heart was broken…my soul…crushed. “How could you do this to me God? I did everything right! How could you let this happen? I need to know why!!”

Have you ever been angry with God?

I’m going to take a wild guess and say yes. At one point or another, we’ve all made our requests known to God. Maybe it was for Him to save your marriage. Maybe it was for Him to save your child or for you to get the promotion at work. Whatever it is, we’ve come to Him with our prayer lists filled with hopes and dreams. And when things didn’t turn out the way we thought they should, we find ourselves with hurt feelings, confused thoughts, and if we admit it…. sometimes angry hearts. And you know what? That’s okay. And expressing that to God? ALSO okay.

I’ve been told before “you can’t let God know that! After all He’s done for you? You can’t be mad and you certainly can’t say that to God!” But why not? I mean…He IS God after all…HE ALREADY KNOWS!! What’s the point of trying to hide something from the One who knows the number of hairs on my head and the state of my heart? So what did I do? I let Him have it. I wrote with a vengeance. I screamed. I raised my little fists and shook them toward Heaven. I stomped my feet. I was determined to let God know I had time today. And you know what happened? Chiiillleee….He had time for me too.

Like a good Father, He listened to me AND He corrected me. During our time together, He showed me that not only did He hear my prayers, but also He did, in fact, answer them!! It didn’t look like how I thought it should, but He showed me that HE. SAVED. ME. And He gently reminded me: “Oh Sachel….Girl don’t you know I’m in your tomorrow today? I know what you need. And in order for you to become who I need you to be, this had to happen. And I know it sucks. And I know it’s hard. But I’m with you, so chill.”

He led me to Jeremiah 32:27, which says:

“I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?”

Spoiler alert: the answer is no. NOTHING is too hard for God and nothing is too much for Him to handle. Not death. Not the loss of your relationship. Not the state of your finances. Not your fears, not your anxiety or your depression…and certainly NOT your anger. God is not only strong enough to carry it all, He WANTS to carry it all. Matthew 11: 28 says:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

So rather than trying to hide your anger from God, why not confess it? Hiding and ignoring it will only make you sick and separate you from Him. And as angry as you may be with Him in this moment, is that really what you want?

If you’re angry at God:

1. Acknowledge it. In Psalm 22:1-2, David straight up asks God “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? Everyday I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night I lift my voice, but find no relief.”
   
   David does not hold back. He gives it to God straight with no chaser. And I think that’s what God wants from us. He wants us to come to Him with our thoughts…no matter how unhinged they are. Because God can’t heal what we don’t reveal. Something happened to me when I shared my raw, unfiltered thoughts with God. I didn’t just feel lighter…I felt….whole. See, my anger wasn’t news to Him, but in sharing it with Him, I opened myself up to a healing my soul desperately needed.
   
2. Remember His track record. After David cries out to God in Psalm 22:1-2, in verses 3-5, he remembers. He writes, “Yet you are holy…our ancestors trusted in You and You rescued them. They cried out to You and were saved. They trusted in You and were never disgraced.”
   
   God is not a man. He won’t lie. He is also just. And no matter how hard things may be or how angry we are, at some point, we have to choose to Believe God is who He says He is. I heard Maya Angelou say once “When someone shows you who they are…believe them.” God is God. He is consistent. He is a Man of His word whether we’re angry with Him or not. So when things don’t play out the way we think they should, we have to make the choice to remember all He’s done and can do. We either trust Him or we don’t. Either He’s Lord or He’s not. Remember His track record in your life and find peace in knowing that if He’s taken care of you before, He’ll do it again.
   
3. Praise Him anyhow. Further down in Psalm 22, David continues with “I will proclaim Your name to my brothers and sisters. I will praise You among your assembled people. Praise the Lord, all who fear Him! Honor him…show Him reverence…”
   
   The enemy wants nothing more than for you to sit in your anger. He wants it to fester in hopes that you’ll forget how good God is. But when you praise, you take your focus off your problems and put it back on the problem solver. As my day went on, I put my music on and slowly, but surely, I found myself being less and less angry and more and more grateful. Yes, God is God, but it’s up to us to determine how long we sit in our anger. So if you don’t want to be angry…DON’T BE ANGRY. Do something that brings you joy and reflect on the goodness of God. Praise Him for his faithfulness and praise Him in advance.

As I continue on my healing journey, I see how all of this is working out for my good and being used for God’s glory. My marriage may have died, but I’m being raised to life everyday. Over the years, I’ve met so many glorious women that I wouldn’t have had it not been for my divorce. The stories we’ve told, the tears we’ve cried, the laughs we shared and the encouragement we’ve given each other is a constant picture of God’s glory in my life. This very blog…connecting with you…none of that would be happening if I didn’t keep it real with Jesus. Sharing my anger with God was a gift to me. And maybe…just maybe it’ll be one for you to.

God, I pray for the person reading these words right now. Daddy, You know their heart and their truest feelings. God, I pray today they have the courage to come to you with their broken heart, tired mind and weary spirit. May they have enough strength to share all of their frustrations with you. May they show you the real them so they may see the real you. Thank you Lord for being God: the one who is strong enough to carry their load and yet gentle enough to give them the comfort they need. Hold your child right now Lord. I thank you in advance for their healing they will experience through You and You alone. You are SO good Lord.

In Your mighty name I pray, Amen.