“There is a time to be silent and a time to speak…” -Ecclesiastes 3:7

If I’m honest, I never thought this would be part of my story. I mean….sure I was a product of it, but that didn’t mean it would happen to me. Nah…this DEFINITELY wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I mean, I am a phenomenal woman…and an amazing mom. I’m not perfect, but I DO love Jesus and I am created to break generational curses, NOT continue them! But somehow…this raggedy, tragic event found my address and showed up on my doorstep anyway (RUDE). And despite me trying to do everything in my power to save it, I couldn’t. In spite of my countless tears and passionate prayers, God still allowed it to break. And so here I am…navigating the world as a divorced woman and single mother.

It’s been a really long time since I’ve blogged. Mainly because I wasn’t ready. I’d lost my desire to be my normal, joyful, carefree self and rather than allowing God’s love to consume me, I let shame shame me into silence and consume my thoughts. What would people think? Would they treat me differently? Would they smile in my face and talk about me behind my back? I wasn’t ready to face the harsh judgement and nosy questions that come from people and so in my safe little bubble I stayed. I isolated from the outside world, basically disappeared from social media and only allowed a few people into my world of ruin. But after a while, my safe little bubble started to feel more like a cage. And as I became more intentional about my healing, I begin to realize this bubble wasn’t keeping me safe…it was restricting my growth and keeping my story hostage. The truth is, in spite of all of this, God has moved mightily in my life…restoring my heart, refreshing my soul, renewing my mind…and as I’ve prayed to Him to use me as He sees fit, I’ve also made the active choice to continue to hide in the comfort of my cage. The sheer AUDACITY of me. Like..girl…PICK A STRUGGLE!

If I’m honest, even as I share this, I still don’t feel 100% ready. There are times my heart still hurts and every so often, I still find myself shocked. But there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. My silence has kept me stuck and simply put, I just…don’t want to be stuck anymore. Being stuck in this place…this place of brokenhearted trauma…this place of allowing myself to constantly be washed over with guilt, shame and embarrassment is EXHAUSTING. It has kept me from fully resting and basking in the rays of God’s sunshine and I’m just tired of robbing myself of that. So it’s time to speak. It’s time to share. It’s time to be free. It is time to bloom.

I’m not going to pretend I have all the answers and have it all together because I don’t. This is a journey and with each step I take moving forward, I learn. I grow. I evolve. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a woman who loves hard and feels deeply, so there are days I still get sad and cry. But that’s all part of the journey of becoming and there is beauty in that. And there is power in sharing that. So many times, we want to share the highlight reels of our life and hide the ugly parts…our struggles…our toxic traits…our failures, and that’s not fair. God isn’t taking us through these challenges for us. He’s bringing us through them for others. There are people who need to hear our stories. They need to know they’re not alone and even if they feel hopeless, they need to know they too can overcome.

And that’s why I’m putting my big girl panties on and sharing my journey with you….whether you’re feeling the fresh, gut-wrenching pain of being served divorce papers, or a single mom who is BEYOND exhausted who feels alone, unseen, and unappreciated…or you’re a married woman who knows the joys of marriage (because let’s face it…marriage CAN BE fun), but behind close doors, you’re suffering with some things in silence because you want to maintain your perfectly curated image, or you’re just a woman who knows deep disappointment and desires authentic connection…my story is for ALL of you. And I hope that as I share, you’ll make room for God to heal all of your broken places too.

So here’s to vulnerability. Here’s to you and me. Here’s to healing…here’s to Blooming.