When I got married almost two years ago, I didn’t know just how much, or how quickly, my relationships with my girlfriends would change. Some friendships have grown….some have dwindled. But one thing they all have in common is that none of them have stayed the same.

If I’m 100% honest, I didn’t immediately notice the dynamic shift in my friendships. Rightfully so, I was so engulfed in being a good wife, that I didn’t realize I was slowly becoming a subpar friend. It kind of just snuck up on me and when I sat down to think about it, I found myself consumed with guilt…guilt for not being there like I used to, for less Facetime dates, late responses to text convos…guilty for not being fully present.

Sound familiar?

If you’re like me and experiencing this same thing, I guess the question now is “what do I do about it?” Well, you have to allow the love to be “the tie that binds” (and keeps) you two together. Like a fellow wife and good friend recently told me, the great thing about friendships is that great ones…the purposeful ones are strong enough to withstand anything…including moments like this.

So if you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, here are a few things that you both can do to conquer the struggle:

1.Accept Reality.

This is really hard to do, but the fact is that things have changed. In marriage, your spouse becomes your number one priority. It doesn’t do anyone any favors to pretend like you’ll still have time for your friends the way that you used to. Because of that, it’s important to be honest about your differences. While your single girlfriends may not be rushing home to cook dinner for their spouse or taking pre-natal vitamins, they are still available for support, amusement and plenty of girl talks. Talking about the changes openly demystifies the situation and makes it possible for you two to figure out ways to keep the flame of your friendships alive. My best friend called me out when she noticed I was slipping and while it did bruise my ego a bit, it helped me to realize that I needed to do better. And because of that, I’ve worked hard at #2:

2.Create New Routines.

When you were a single lady, you probably had your go-to routines with your gals—Wednesday night concerts in the parks….Friday night wine dates, anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Where you are in your life right now gives you a chance to reevaluate your routines. It affords you the chance to create new habits that will allow you to give your husband everything he needs and still make time for your girlfriends, essentially giving you something you need. As much as I love Ethan, sometimes I need my girl time and whether it’s Facetime dates with my girls out of town or wine and cheese dates with my girlfriends who live in Alaska. Finding the balance can definitely take some time, but as you’re finding that balance, make sure to keep #3 in mind:

3. Be Present and LISTEN.

If she wants to talk about dating or the amazing adventures she had last weekend, FOR GOD SAKES WOMAN…LISTEN!! You may not be able to relate to the lifestyle anymore, but you know what? When you’re going on and on about doing your husband’s laundry, blending finances or surrendering your “independent woman” mentality in order to submit to and serve your husband or having to be accountable to someone else, she can’t relate to you either!!

You girls may be on different paths, but don’t act like you weren’t single at one point. It’s not some foreign world you know nothing about. There’s nothing wrong with you two being in different places in your lives. As a matter of fact, isn’t that what makes our friendships so special?! You may have moved on to a new chapter, but sometimes listening is more important than understanding.

and finally….

4. Give each other GRACE!!!

 While a great friend understands that marriage is a major life shift , the truth is, she may not understand the vastness of what that means because she’s not living it. And you know what? That’s ok. Because while she still may not understand it, she still loves you to pieces and wants to celebrate your journey with you…If you allow her to.

As you both go through this shift, it’s important to understand each other’s perspectives. You may not agree on everything, but what friendship does?

If you feel like one or both of you are slacking a bit on the friendship, don’t be so quick to get angry with each other. Give each other room to adjust and be patient with each other as you both try to figure this change in your relationship.

I love my girls to pieces. When I got married a friendship shift definitely happened all around and there have been a few bumps in the road. But as we continue to grow as friends/sisters and in our individual lives, I know that those bumps in the road will not only bring us closer together, but it’ll make us better women.

Have you experienced this shift in your friendships since getting married? What lessons have you learned? I’d love to hear all about it below!