Dear Journal,

Long time no see. I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve had the chance to sit down and write. So here’s what’s been going on:

J’Aiden turned  3 months last month and this little man continues to steal my heart! It’s amazing how much he changes on a daily basis. It seems like with every new sunrise, his eyes gets brighter, his toothless smile gets bigger, his hands become more active and personality becomes more and more apparent. The more time I spend with him, the stronger our bond becomes and it’s as if together, we are discovering life. Sometimes I find myself just staring at him and think “wow…I can’t believe I’m YOUR mommy…how did I become so lucky?” It’s my sincerest prayer that he grows up with a heart after God…that he dedicates his life to serving Him…that he’s loving, joyful… adventurous and curious and touches the lives of so many people. This little boy…this little slice of heaven that God allowed me to birth means the world to me. He…is my heartbeat. We celebrated my first Mother’s Day this past Sunday and all I can think to myself was “Thank You LORD for this amazing little guy.” We managed to take a few quick pictures of me and him in the same dress I did my maternity shoot in and as I was looking into his eyes, I found myself falling harder and harder for him. I gotta tell you journal, I’ve NEVER known a love like this before. Quite honestly, I can’t even remember what our life was like before him. I mean sure it was good, but now…now life is SOOOOO much better.

I am beginning to feel more and more like myself though. The showers are starting to become a regular thing again (HALLELUJAH!) and even though it feels like there’s no point in me wearing a top because this child is ALWAYS hungry (seriously…where does he get that from? LOL), I’m making more of an effort to get dressed everyday. I feel like I’m better to him when I feel like myself, ya know? Sometimes he screams BLOODY MURDER when I put him down, and I feel 2000% guilty for doing it, but I’m getting better at reminding myself that he’s okay..that it’s okay for me to put him down for a minute or two to have a moment to myself. It’s downright necessary in order for me to keep giving him the best that I’ve got. I hope all my other new mommy friends know that…that it’s okay for us to take care of ourselves. We can’t fill our babies up if we’re running on empty.

And because I’m starting to feel more and more like myself, I’m slowly starting to get back to work. But you know, finding the perfect balance between business and home life is proving to be more difficult than I thought. Do you know how many times I’ve started and stopped writing this very blog entry? I have so many posts sitting in draft status it’s not even funny. As a new mom, it’s SO easy to get so wrapped up in J’Aiden and you wanna know the truth? I ain’t mad about it! I LOVE spending time with him, but as a business owner, I put so much pressure on myself to keep going. Ethan literally had to pry my computer away from me a few times while we were still in the hospital after little man was born! I don’t know why I worry so much that my “stock” will go down if I’m not being active EVERY SINGLE DAY. That’s SO much pressure to put on myself. In this season, I’m learning to be flexible and honest with myself and say I can’t be the same Sachel I was before J’Aiden was born. Truth is, I’m not her anymore. I’m now partially responsible for a human being…someone’s mommy. It’s not all about Ethan, Teddy and me anymore. I feel like a new woman because I am a new woman and because of that, things have to change. It’s a very fine line to walk…balancing home life with being a boss mama, so if any of my mamas reading this has any advice on how to balance the two, please share with me! I’m seriously ALL ears. I know getting back into the swing of things has to come eventually, but for now, I do what I can and hold myself to a standard of grace…not perfection. If anything, having J’Aiden has given me permission to be more present and soak up these precious moments that will one day be a distant memory. After all, he’s only going to be this young for a little while right?

My story is only 4 months into this new chapter of my life and no matter how crazy long my days feel, no matter how disheveled I may look or how much I may struggle to find a home/work balance one thing I know for sure is that I’m SO grateful to be where I am in my life right now and I can’t wait to see how this beautiful story continues to unfold.

’til next time…